Never trust an Orange Man

Why oh why was I up until one in the morning last night doing my KINDERGARTNER’S homework?  They should call it what it is, Momwork.  Let’s just look at the situation shall we?  It is a writing assignment for five year olds who can neither read nor write.  That’s just setting a kid up for failure.  Oh, and all you strivers who got the book TEACH YOUR BABY TO READ and thought it was anything other than a gag gift, you may not comment.  Clearly the thought of showing an 18 month old flash cards with full words on them was as bizarrely entertaining as watching a chinchilla have “alone time”.  Just as wrong.  Just as humorous.  After reading the book, I would have titled it, The Nazi Training Guide for Illiterate One Year Olds.  By the way, my sista friend gave me that book and it was eight years later when I found out it was actually an honest gift.  My bad. 

Back to MY assignment.  The whole thing is really rather sweet.  The class has a bear named Morgan and each week the kiddo with the most smiley faces posted gets to take the bear home and “show it a good time”.  All along, I am to be taking adorable photos that will be journaled in Morgan’s notebook and handed in Monday morning.  Adorable photos of a very proud young Rex and a stinkin’ cute teddy bear were absolutely no problem. 

Rex bringing Morgan home

Rex playing hide-and-go-seek with his new buddy

Rex making sure Morgan is safe on the ride to the steel cow

Getting milk for dinner

Taking a ride on the zip-line

With the number of Morgan pictures we took this weekend we could have published a book.  “Mom take a picture of Morgan being cute.”  “Mom, let’s put Morgan in my bed…and take a picture.”  “Mom, let’s feed Morgan…and take pictures.”  Oh, or my favorite, “Let’s give Morgan a bath…and take pictures” as he stops up the bidet and starts running water.  Well, other Mothers, no worries.  I saved Morgan from that mud puddle. 

The assignment started off innocently enough.  The tipping point came when we got milk.  See, the steel cow is in the parking area of the wine store and, what do you know, Rex wanted to take pictures with Morgan there.  It was when this beauty was snapped that I saw Morgan had a wild side!

Morgan liked the wine, but

He moved on to Spritz

He lost his pants in poker though

But after the game he met this cute chick. 

One thing led to another…

It was all going nicely, but

there was this big orange orangutan hanging out

…with a video camera

And this is what happens when Mom gets left doing the homework.