Cake is good. I mean, who doesn't like cake? (Communists. That's who.) People like eating cake. Dare I say, cakes make the world a better place. I can make cake; therefore, I make the world a better place. I am patiently awaiting my Nobel Prize in pastry.
I'm not sure if this project qualifies me for the short list of people going to Hell or not. Hope not. I might have to stop one of these Nuns that are always walking around here and ask...
Today's cake may remove me forever from the Pastry Peace Prize list...and possibly get me put on Santa's naughty list as well. No unicorns or rainbows in today's endeavor. Nope. No puppies with bows or cartoon characters. Nah. No fluff. No, today's project is (former Libyan dictator and general bad guy) Moammar Gaddafi's head on a platter.
Come on Moammar,
Let's get this party started!
Red velvet cake is a great starting point for any head-on-a-plate cake, not just Gaddafi's. I mean, suppose your child asked for Tinker Bell's head-on-a-plate cake for her 6th birthday...totally go red velvet for that extra touch of gore. Your dear friend getting a divorce? Consider a head-on-a-plate cake. So versatile! Everyone is going to want one!
I started my research googling "head-on-a-plate cakes". This is a dangerous undertaking. There have been moments in the past when I have accidentally stumbled upon non cake photos in this manner...so be cautious should you go this route. My next google was "Gaddafi cake" and from the results, I think this may be a one-of-a-kind item! Zenga Zenga!
When making a carved cake, or carved anything I guess, the trick is to refine. Here is stage one. I chose 10" square pans to work with by holding various pans up to Husband's head. Bet it never dawned on him when he married me that I would use him as a severed head model.
Cake is baked and loosely laid out in the general shape of the caricature on the the left of my computer screen. (Yes, I did take my computer in the kitchen around all the flying flour and sugar, and yes, It is sitting on my stove. Live dangerously!)
There's a big old layer of buttercream holding the layers together.
After a bit of shaping...looks like a cymbal monkey in a fez. Clearly I am heading in the right direction.
Looking a bit like a big-eared Egyptian mask, a decent shape.
Oooooh, creepy!
When cake is carved, it makes a bunch of crumbs. A good way to control that is to dry them into a "crumb coat". It's pretty simple, just make very thin icing, spread it on super thin and give it some time to dry. If you have a big icebox (I don't), you can speed up the process by popping your severed head into the fridge. Also good for freaking out anyone going for a glass of milk.
THE FUN PART
Two or three days before I needed to use it, I made a couple batches of marshmallow fondant. It isn't hard and there are tons of recipes online. It has to be made a bit ahead so it can rest...otherwise it tears easier than a 40-year-old weekend warrior's knees playing football.
So Gaddafi's head has been dead...(like the rest of him) for nearly a year. I was massively torn as to whether I could make him sort of zombified, you know: green-tinted skin falling apart, eyeball hanging out, exposed skull bits and a few fish nibbles. In the end I decided that they would have asked for a "present-day Gaddafi's head-on-a-plate cake" if that was what they wanted and I reigned myself in...just a bit.
Signature 5 o'clock shadow installed
Gaddafi's hair looks more like Princess Leia's buns than the Jheri Curl I was going for...gonna have to get your hair did Moammar!
You go girl! Zenga Zenga!
Posing with my girlfriend's sunglasses
The cherries are nice and fleshy suspended in the syrup.
As it is, I have recently been getting frequent visits from the Jehovah's Witnesses. I'm thinking about keeping a head-on-a-plate cake on standby...and inviting them in for tea. I also think this could be a great cake for school picnics. I would NEVER be asked to bring anything else. EVER.
Cutting the cake Hannibal Lecter style
To keep myself off the Naughty list, I have decided to share my Red Velvet recipe with you. It goes against my selfish nature, but I really want that Pastry Peace Prize...
Red Velvet Cake Recipe
(or, where I'm from, Red Carnation Cake)
Prepare your pans with Crisco and flour, then waxed paper.
The stuff:
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups plus a Tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 Tablespoons cocoa powder
1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
1 cup buttermilk, room temperature
2 large eggs, room temperature
2 tablespoons red food coloring (1 ounce jar)
1 teaspoon white distilled vinegar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
•Cream Cheese Frosting of choice
Directions
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Prepare pans.
In a large bowl, sift together the flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, and cocoa powder. In another large bowl, whisk together the oil, buttermilk, eggs, food coloring, vinegar, and vanilla.
Mix the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients until just combined and a smooth batter is formed. (About 2 minutes with mixer)
Divide batter evenly among the prepared cake pans. Bake until the cake pulls away from the side of the pans, and a toothpick inserted in the center of the cakes comes out clean, about 30 minutes.
Let cool completely before frosting/filling/decorating
Now go make severed head cakes! It's the perfect end of the school year gift for your kids' teachers! No, really. I read it online somewhere.
I always feel like somebody's waaaatchin me
I love the little child's look on his face watching you!! Lol
ReplyDelete